The Road to Nowhere Leads to Me
by wolf116
Summary: A car crash, death, and something unimaginable happens. Nicklebacks video for Someday was the inspiration for this, it isn't a songfic just loosely based on that video. set after Hellbound. Spuffy
1. Crash, Boom, Bang

The Road to Nowhere

Chp.1

Crash, Boom, Bang

Summary: Loosely based on the video for the song Someday by Nickleback, but it isn't a songfic I promise. A car crash, death, and something unimaginable happens.

Disclaimer: I don't proclaim to own anything, other than the tiny tidbit of story that I've come up with. Plus Joss gave us permission.

She couldn't see more than three feet in front of her. The snow is coming down in drifts, no visibility. She could see the road in patches. Just tiny, little dots here and there.

She'd left the cabin not ten minutes ago. At that time there wasn't a snowflake one to be seen. Now she was lucky to see anything at all. All hell had broken loose, within five minutes of her getting into the rented car, and driving about a mile up the road. One of those famous blizzards, the Alps were so fond of having.

With a sudden lurch, the sedan skids into a slide. The steep grade of the treacherous mountain road not helping the conditions at all.

The blonde tries to straighten the car out, but to no avail. The only thing going through her mind, is that she'd promised Giles that she'd get that damned new slayer that had been located here. Now she doesn't even know which way the car is headed, for all she knows she could be sitting catty cornered in the middle of the road, and the blue rental car is still careening out of control.

With a stomach lurching thud she feels the car start downward as it slides uncontrollably over the embankment. At least she knows which way she's headed in now, down.

If anyone were around the shout of "OH, SHIT!" could've been heard for miles. Unfortunately, no one would be ignorant enough to be out in this storm.

The automobile crashes into something, making it roughly, jar. She hears the passenger side crumple, like a piece of paper, and winces as some glass from the windshield, and window flies in her face.

Her hair falls over her face at the impact, and she reaches up to remove it, but the car hits another much bigger obstacle, and starts to tilt into a roll, from bottom to top.

It seems as if the car tumbles forever. Then the roof hits hard against something, a tree most probably, and smashes in on top of her. She can feel the blood, oozing down her back, all sticky and gross, then everything around her goes black.

The blonde girl in the car goes limp, gasping for air, then movement stills. Her neck is broken in several places, that even the best speacialist couldn't fix. Hell they couldn't even count how many there are. Even if the broken neck hadn't instantaneously killed her, then the puncture wounds in her lungs, from the many broken ribs she'd sustained would've.

In actuality, nearly every bone in the girls body had been broken, and they had puntured most of her vital organs.

The people that she'd been with had called the authorities to send out a search party for her. The car had been found two days later. In a gulley, about two hundred feet down the side of the mountain. They'd searched after the total white out, of that morning. When they finally found her, her body twisted and broken, with frozen blood on her face, the car crushed all around her, they'd known there wasn't any hope. She was frozen from two deathly cold nights, and with the injuries she'd sustained. They had radioed telling everyone that it was a D.O.A.

She remembers that her last thought had been of her lost love, before everything had gone black as night. She'd pictured his blue eyes, and bleached hair. She'd told him she'd be with him soon. Now where the hell is she? She wonders.

(HE HE HE HE, tell me if I should continue. I'm excited about this one. I know I'm a big, ole, tease.)


	2. Love Lost

The Road to Nowhere Leads to Me

Chp.2

Love Lost

I don't own the name of the story, which comes from the Ozzy Osbourne song of the same name, or Nickleback, which the idea spawned from watching a video of, or anything to do with Buffy.Although, Chad Kroeger, and Spike Iwould like to have. But that's gonna happen.

(Thanks to everyone that reviewed the last chapter, I can't wait to see what you guys think of this one. Keep'em coming.)

The devestating call had come in around 9:20 that morning. Angel sat at his desk for a good hour just staring off into the great unknown. His broken hearted glare on a spot by the door. At 10:20 he still sits there, tears rimming his eyes, total disbelief still evident on his brooding face.

Dawn had been the one to call, no one else would've even thought to call him, and he knows it.The dark haired girl had been in hysterics. Sobbing so much that the only words he'd understood, were Buffy, car, and accident. He'd finally asked her if anyone else were around. He could hear a muffled, squeaky, "Yes." He sat there nervously, as he waited for some one more coherent to come on the line.

"Hello?" Giles' English accent drawled across the wires.

Angel could tell that he was upset, but just a little more coherent than Dawn had been. "Dawn called, all I could understand was Buffy, car, and accident. What's going on?"

He had heard a slight sniffle, as the Engliman spoke, and his heart had been broken off piece by itty bitty pain filled piece.

He'd thought that Buffy was in Europe somewhere, but Giles had clearly said that she, Dawn, and Willow had gone out to the Alps to retrieve a newly called Slayer. Buffy had gone out to get her, she hadn't gotten too far from the cabin they were staying at, not more than five miles up the steeply, rising slope, headed towards the girls home. She'd hit a patch of ice, during one of the freak storms that part of the world has, having gone over the embankment, the car had been rolling and come up against a tree, crushing the vehicle from the top as it came to a rest.

When they'd found the wreckage, she had been barely recognizable. The autorities had made it quite clear that when the car had made impact her neck and back had been broken, a piece of glass had severed her carotid. At that moment he'd known. Dead. Buffy is DEAD, again. Even if that hadn't killed her, the multiple other injuries Giles discribed would have made it inevitable, there is no way that anyone would survive them.

The sun blazes brightly outside his necrotempered window, burning at the back of his neck. He looks over at the clock on the bottom of the computer screen on his right.Nearly three hours had passed since he'd put himself into a grief induced stupor, and he is hungry. But he'd forego the food, for more pressing matters. Such as having Harmony page the team, Spike included. God he hates to have to give the other unpredictable, ghostly vampire this kind of news. He knows that he's either (A going to tear the building down, or (B Collapse right in front of everyone. (B being the most likely, considering his non-corporealmess, the bleached blonde couldn't harm anything, except maybe a coffee cup.

Spike was in his office at around six this morning, showing off his new found trick of picking up coffee mugs. God he hated to admit it, but seeing the ghost vamp so happy had put a smile on his face. Now with this news, six hours later. He knew that his heart was broken, but Spikes would be torn out and shown to him. He'd sacrificed himself for her. Angel did give him credit for that. He'd wanted her to live, and be happy. He didn't know if he could watch the breakdown he knew was coming. Didn't know if he wanted to be in the room at all, maybe he should have Fred break the news. No he had to do it, throwing it off on Fred would just make him feel guilty over not telling him. Then there would be hell to pay.

His held back tears slowly start to fall as he hesitantly, presses the button on the phone to ask Harmony to have the crew come meet with him. He isn't paying any attention to the button as he pushes it. "If you'd like to sacrifice..." He clears his eyes, and quickly pushes the right button. "Harmony."

"Yeah, Boss." Her chipper, over cheerful voice rings out on the other end.

He wipes at his eyes again. "I need to speak to the team, and Spike." His voice strains as he tries to keep it at a normal tone.

Her surprised voice comes back over the com, "Spike, did I hear you say you _Wanted_ to speak to Spike? Are you sure you're alright in there? 'Cause you never want to even look at Spike, let alone speak to him."

"Yes, Harmony." He growls out through tightly clenched teeth, "I said I wanted to talk with Spike, hell he's the one that needs to know this news."

"Okay, is there anything else?"

Yeah there is, he wants to go rip some poor, unsuspecting demons head off for the injustice of it all. "Yes, but blood'll have to do," he replies, "Oh, and Harmony?"

"Yep."

"Could you please look into getting the sacrifice line off of the phones? We've already dismantled that part of the firm, shut the damned line down." Okay, so his anger was showing now.

"Okay, Boss you don't have to get all mad over it. It'll be gone within the hour."

"Good, that's all. Get my breakfast in here," he shouts in vehemence into the phone, and hears the audible click as she hangs up on him.


	3. Ghost to Ghost

The Road to Nowhere Leads to Me

Chp.3

Ghost to Ghost

Don't own it, wish I did.

Okay, she'd had hoky stuff happen before, but this one just took the cake. She looks around, wondering what kind of hell dimension she'd just popped into. There is no way that this is heaven, and she'd know. There's people in buisness suits, with cellphones attached to their ears, and briefcases in hand rushing about all around her. She is pretty sure that just a few moments ago she was driving a car up the side of a mountain, towards the home of the slayer she was supposed to retrieve. What had happened between then and now?

Now, as she looks around it seems she's standing in the middle of a big, office buildings lobby. _What the hell is going on?_

Her attention is suddenly caught by a buzzing sound, coming from the speakers. "Would Fred, Gunn, Wesley, and Spike, please come to the boss' office," the crackling female voice requests, and then promptly cuts off with a whirring noise. _Did she just say **Spike!**_

She looks around her, again. Her eyes light on someone. A someone she never thought she'd see again, a bleach blonde head bobbing through, literally through people. _This is way wiggy. _ Following the leather clad vampire down the hall, she watches him walk straight through the door of an office. Her eyes grow wide at the sight. _And it keeps getting wiggier, and wiggier. _

As she stands there in stunned silence she sees her ex-watcher Wesley, two other people, and a green demon thing that's dressed in a purple linen suit enter through the same door that Spike had gone into. _Well atleast I know where I am, the question is WHY?_

She tries to go in the door like any other person, but its a huge problem, considering every time she tried to turn the knob her hand decided it wanted to slide through the thing. "What the hell," she shouts, as she still tries to open the door the old fashioned way without any real success. She thought she'd gotten it one time, but then her hand went all go throughable again.

Standing there in front of the door she starts to remember what had happened on that trip to the slayers house. Her breath catches. The car had gone over an embankment, having slid in the harsh wintery weather off of the narrow road. She remembered the pain as a piece of windshield had pierced her flesh, the car had been crushed against something, smashing the roof down upon her, then the world had gone black as night. Her body slumps in dejection. She'd died again. She tries the door knob again, and watches as her slip through it for the hundredth time. _Great, just abso-fucking-lutely great! I get brought back for the third time and guess what? I'm a freaking ghost. Resurrection with a body was too much last time, so they brought me back without one. Thank you guys. _Her sarcastic thoughts start to ones of wonder. _Wait a minute, if the gang had brought me back then why the hell am I standing in the hallway of Wolfram and Hart? _

(Yes, I know that this is very short, only because I'm still trying to get everything in place for the actual storyline to kick in. Reviews are nice, I like them.)


	4. Holding on to Hope

The Road to Nowhere Leads to Me

Chp.4

Holding on to Hope

The blonde, ghost-like vampire appears part by part as he walks through the door of Angels office. First a swinging hand, then his head, and the rest of his body. He is immediately followed by the rest of the Fang Gang.

Angel watches morosely as the people gather about the room, taking places on the couches, and chairs. Spike comes to hover over Wes and Gunn as they sit on opposite ends of the couch, situated on the far side of the room. Fred and Lorne are just entering the office, and they look over at the grieving vampire in questioning silence.

Upon seeing Angel so upset, Fred rushes over to him as she sees the redness in his eyes.

Spike looks over at the other vamp, smirking, he takes the opportunity of the silence to take a jab at his Grandesire. "What is it, Peaches?" He squints his eyes in thought, "Your hamster die?" He takes a truly unneeded breath, and walks through the back of the couch he seemed to be leaning against, making his way over to the desk Angel sits behind. Leaning in as close as he possibly can, he looks the other vamp in the eye, "no, wait! You probably ate him, didn't you?" He says sarcastically.

He watches as Angel takes a deep, sighing breath, and lets it out. "Spike you don't have any idea how close you are."

His head hangs, as he prepares to tell everyone the bad news. Granted some of them had never met the girl, they'd all heard the stories that Angel and Spike had told of the greatest slayer ever known. His eyes come up to meet the blue ones leaning in on him. "But, it wasn't a hamster that met it's demise." He takes his eyes out of Spikes. "I think you'd better sit down," he whispers, his fingers finding a paper on the desk, and folding the corner up in a dog ear. "Before I tell you what I have to say."

Spike wants to make a comeback, but seeing the stricken features of the poof, he promptly takes the seat behind him, and nods his ascension.

Taking another deep, and unsatisfying breath, Angel looks into the eyes of everyone assembled. His brown eyes fall into the blue ones of Spike. He slowly lets the breath out. "A couple of nights ago." He tries to hold back his grief, he swallows hard, hardly believing that he has to be the one to break the news. "There was an accident, I didn't have any idea of it, until this morning around 9:30 but..." His eyes drill into Spikes, trying to make him believe everything he's about to say. "Buffy."

Spike sits up straighter in his seat, his eyes growing wide. "Buffy," he sighs, "Is she alright, was the bit with her?" His questions come rapid fire. _God not Buffy._

Angel shuts him up with a stern look. "There was a car accident, she was by herself." Tears form in his eyes. "She didn't make it, Spike." He watches Spikes reaction, the tears finally spilling down his face. He turns to Wes, when he can't take the heart broken look on the other vampires face.

"My god, Angel. Why didn't you tell us sooner? How did it happen.What?" Wesley stummbles over his words. "Have you spoken to anyone that was with her? It may be a mistake." He can't believe that his ex-charge is dead, again.

Spike quickly jumps up from his seat, his fists tightly clenched, he tries to pound them on the desk in front of him, but they just pass right through. "She's not dead." He burst out with denial. There's been some sodding mistake, Angelus. There's just... She can't be... I'd know if she... Damn, it I'd know it," he shouts, covering his face with his hands, as he starts to sob uncontrollably. "I'd have known, I'd have felt it." His sobbing slurs the last few words.

Fred makes her way around the desk, not able to choose which vampire to console, she stands in indecision between the two. She has tears running down her face, at the misery of her friends. As she glances over to Spike she sees him hit his knees with a inconsolable, keening wail. Her tears come even more profusely, as she watches the blonde man crumple in despair before her eyes.

Angel can't stand the death wail that Spike is emitting, the high pitched cry hurting his ears, he quickly gets up from his seat and makes his way to his grandechildes side. "Spike?"

Spike looks over his shoulder at Angel, his face had changed to that of his demon. Angel leans back as he sees the golden eyes. _Okay, the demon is mourning her, just as much as the soul. _He doesn't want to tackle that little anomaly just yet, but he was curious. Why would the demon mourn? It shouldn't even be able to feel anything, except for hatred, and loathing. His own demon seemed to be doing an Irish Jig, because of it.

He can see the devestation in Spike's eyes, he begins to speak to him in a hushed whisper. "Dawn was the one to call me, she was in hysterics. I couldn't make out a lot of what she was saying. But I could tell it was something about Buffy, and a car accident. I asked to speak with someone who wasn't so stricken.She put Giles on the phone, he wasn't much better off, but he was coherent enough to tell me the basics." New tears form and fall across his cheeks. "She didn't suffer, she didn't even feel any pain. He told me she'd died on impact. There wasn't anything that anyone could do for her when she was found."

Spike growls lowly. "What happened?" His golden eyes look seriously into the brown ones of Angel.

"From what I could get out of Giles, she was headed out to retrieve a new slayer. She was caught in a freak snowstorm while going up the mountain, and skidded off of the road, hitting a tree, as the car she was driving rolled."

"What in bloody hell was she doing on a mountain?" The blue eyes of the man come back to the fore. "I thought she was in Italy."

"Giles had asked her to go retrieve the slayer that was located in the Swiss Alps, and she'd complied." Angel sighs, "That's all I know,Spike. After I asked all of my questions, Giles broke down, and I just thought it best that we hang up."

Spike's wailing starts up again, he can't believe that he didn't feel his loves death. He should've felt it, he should've known. Now all wants to do is tear this place apart in his fury. He should've been with her, instead of being here all ghostly.


	5. Ghostly Recognition

The Road to Nowhere, Leads to Me

Chp.4

Ghostly Recognition

I only wish I owned it, but alas I do not.

Hearing Spike's anguished cry, she gives up the attempts at conventionally opening the door, and runs through it.The cry had run chills up her arms, and broken her non-existent heart.

She takes in the scene before her, Angel crouched down beside of Spike, a brunette girl standing behind them, Wesley looking at the brunette, the black guy looking as if he doesn't know what the hell has everyone upset, and the green demon guy with tears on his cheeks as he stares dumbfounded at the two vampires.

Angel seems to be saying something to Spike, she can see his head moving. She can't make it out where she stands, and slowly cocks her head as she watches them.

Spike's shoulders are shaking, as if he is crying. She then hears a heart wrenching, wailing sob, as Angel straightens up from his crouched position.

Whatever the hell Angel had said, seemed to make Spike shake more than he had been. She rushes over to the cowaring bleached blonde sitting on the floor, his legs curled underneath him, and his body rolled up tightly in a ball. Placing a comforting hand on his back, she slowly leans down towards his ear, "Spike?" Now that she could feel that he is real, she wants to slap him for not calling her, and at least letting her know he was still in the world._ Stupid vampire. _She opts to pat his back in consolance, seeing that a big slap, wouldn't do much for his pain.

She felt when he'd noticed her hand on his back, he stiffened considerably.

He swears he can feel her. That tiny little hand of hers planted firmly against his back, making soothing circles over it. And is bloody damned sure that is her voice speaking his name in his ear. "Spike? Look up here, it's me. I'm right here." His sobs catch in his throat, it couldn't be, Angel had said. He turns his head slightly to his left, taking just a glance to make sure he wasn't hallucinating, or worse yet going insane again. His blue eyes look up into the most welcome sight of her own bright, green ones.

"Buffy," he sighs, at the sight of her. Reaching a hand up, he caresses her face in a ghost of a touch, thinking that it will pass right through her, but his hand finds solidity, and he pulls away as if he were burned. "I can feel, you," he drawls out, very puzzled at the turn of events. He'd really wanted to touch her, but he wasn't holding out any hope of actually obtaining that one little modicum of a touch.

"Of course you can, you always said that you could." She sincerely means what she says, not getting the actual meaning of his words.

"No, luv. I meant..." He grabs his head. "Oh, god!" He starts to sob, again. Remembering the night before. When the ghost had started messing with him While they were attacking him, they could touch him. "You're... You're a bloody ghost. You're just like me." His shoulders hunch over, and the sobbing continues at a higher velocity.

Yes, she's a ghost. Yes, she knows, and god she couldn't take much more of this sobbing that Spike seemed to be so fond of doing at the moment. She scrunches her nose up, trying to figure out if she should slap him out of it, or what. She looks over to the other people occupying the room. The two that she recognizes, doesn't seem to be on the help bandwagon, at the moment. What with Angels mouth hanging wide open, and the bugging of his eyes, and Wesley with his glasses in his hand, rubbing the bridge

of his nose.The brunette girl, seems to want to, but doesn't know how. God, she needs to find the poor girls name out, quickly, because calling her the brunette girl could get

quiete monotonous, and annoying.The other two are talking between themselves, trying to figure out what is actually taking place in front of them. No help in this bunch. She turns back to the ghostly vamp, crying at her feet.

"Angel, unless you're trying to catch flies, could you please close your mouth. Pushing your eyes back in your head would be a good idea also." She turns from the mess in front of her she likes to call Spike, and makes her way over to the dark vampire, as she puns. Forgetting about the whole Casper like quality to her body, she tries giving him a hug, sliding right through him, and literally stumbling into the desk behind him. She stands in the middle of the big, honking thing. "Well, I guess I shouldn't try that one again, huh?" She giggles, looking down at the top half of her sticking out of the wood.

Angel turns to stare in shock, at what he's seeing. _What the hell's going on? Spike came back as a ghost, that I could semi-understand, but Buffy? _His shock shows on his usually brooding face. "What the hell's going on?" He states his thoughts, as he watches the blonde slayer extricate herself from the desk.

"I don't know you tell me," she says in answer.

(I know that it's been a week at least, but work has been kicking my ass. This chapter isn't very long, and I realize that,but I have to meet my hubby in like an hour, to go to the next job. Hope you guys enjoyed. I think that maybe, this one's going to be a once or twice a week chapter story, considering it isn't a very long story that I have planned. Maybe fifteen chapters or less. Because I have a great idea, that just won't leave me the hell alone. Please if you read, will you review, my muse loves them and you may get the next chappy Monday.)


	6. Questions Upon Questions

The Road to Nowhere, Leads to Me

Chp.6

Questions Upon Questions

No joke, I own all of this. Joss decided he'd give it to me. In my dreams. ME, Joss and all the usuals own it, I just write it.

Angel stands in front of her expecting an answer to the question he'd asked. Her eyes flicker over to the now standing form of Spike. He looks pissed off, and miserable all at once. She can't figure out how his face could show so many emotions, and never move a muscle. It had always been beyond her, how one minute he could have the most relaxed expression, and then in a blink of an eye the same expression could become deadly. She smiles over at him.

Spike's eyes grow wide, at seeing her standing in the middle of Angels desk. He breathes in a steadying breath. "WHAT THE BLEEDING HELL IS GOING ON," he yells, looking over to her as he makes wild, movements with his hands.

"That's quite a good question, Spike." Wesley steps forward, towards the ghostly figure of Buffy. "Seeing as how Angel has just told us some of the most bloody awful news. I would have to admit that this occurrence is quite an anomaly." His gaze slides from the imploring blue eyes of the ghost vamp, and into the eyes of the girl in question. "Buffy, what's the last thing you can remember doing?" He's already calculating the possibilities that could have been the catalyst of this strange happening.

Her green gaze falls from Spike, to land on the ex-watcher. "Lets see. I was driving a car, up a big, freaking mountain when a blizzard hit" The sarcasm in her tone doesn't go unnoticed. "I had taken an assignment from Giles to go get a new slayer, I think I hit a patch of ice. The car started spinning, then it was like one of the scary as hell roller coaster rides, except the car was constantly going down. Then there was a thud, and the car started doing flips." Her eyes grow watery, at the memory. She can remember the pain of her breaking ribs, as the car hit the first tree. "Some of my ribs broke with the first thud, then as the car flew down the side of the mountain, I felt the glass stick in my neck." She is out and out sobbing now. "Then the second tree was hit, and that was all she wrote." Her head hangs down onto her chest. "That's the last thing I can remember." She concludes sucking in the tears, she places her hands on her hips, and puts her weight on one leg.

She watches as Spike walks to her side, and places a caressing hand on her cheek. He wipes at the tears still lingering there with the pad of his thumb. "Buffy?" She looks into his deep, bottomless, blue eyes. "You're a bloody ghost, Luv." He stares deeply into her eyes, awaiting her reaction.

"You're still on that?" She says it without venom. She doesn't have the heart to be sarcastic to him. "I sorta figured that out, when my hand kept passing through the knob of the door." She smiles up at him. "Even if I hadn't figured it out then, I'm sure I would've gotten it when I went right straight through Angel there a moment ago" She feels his touch across her cheek, and her eyebrows crease together. "How come you can touch me?" Her eyes find those of the watchers again, imploring him for an answer, and also to keep from having to look directly into her beloved's soulful eyes. She thought she'd never see him, again. She'd tried to move on, but the guys she'd dated just seemed too normal, they weren't Spike, and none of them ever would be. That's why she'd jumped right to the mission that Giles had assigned for her. Now that he stands right here, she can't bare to look in his eyes.

His hand had slid from her beautiful face when she'd turned to Wes for answers, but he's the only one that can give her those. Reaching up he places his hands on her cheeks making her have to turn back to him. Taking a deep breath, he glares deeply into those dark, green pools of emerald. "Luv." He half smiles at the almost silent hmm that emanates from between her lips. "If you want something bad enough, you can touch it, pet." Licking his lips, he takes his gaze from hers. Seeing a coffee mug sitting on the desk, he concentrates as he reaches for it. "You can even pick stuff up if you concentrate hard enough." He waves the coffee mug in front of her face, with a huge smile.

His countenance turns seriously thoughtful. "I thought..." He ducks his head, shaking it. "Anyway, I want to touch you, god you can't imagine what it's like."

"Yes, I do," she whispers on a sigh.

He hadn't heard her, and keeps explaining. "I figured out that in some ways another incorporeal being can unconsciously touch me. Just like I'm doing now, Luv." He explains, planting his eyes back into hers. He smirks as her fingers come up to rest against the hand softly caressing her cheek.

"Buffy?" She lets her hand fall back down to her side, as she turns in the direction of the dark vampire that had called her name.

"Angel?" She smirks.

"Do you have an idea of how this could have happened?"

She'd been expecting that question, but had figured on Wesley asking it. "Like I've always said. You kill me, I always come back."

Angel looks at her broodingly, or it may be condescendingly. She's never quite sure which one, even when they were together he only had like three facial expressions. She giggles, inaudibly. "For some reason, I just can't seem to stay dead. I don't even think that whoever..."

"The Powers." Angel cuts her sentence short.

"The Who-ers?" She asks in total confusion over what he'd just said. _What the hell is he talking about._

"The Powers that Be." She still looks confused.

"They're the ones that control everything, in this dimension, and many more. Lord knows they've messed with me enough." He explains further, watching as the understanding comes to her eyes.

"Well, **_The Powers, _**seem to think that it's fun to keep bringing me back. It must be their cosmic joke on me or something. I think they've given me a permanent Get Out Of Death Free, do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars, card." She agitatedly flips a lock of hair over her shoulder, crosses her arms over her chest, and glares intently at everyone surrounding her.

When her gaze lands on Spike it softens into a look of longing, that which he just can't describe. It takes his breath away, he thought he'd never see that look again. It's the one that he'd seen in her eyes down in the Hellmouth. The one before she'd said what she'd said, and he'd denied her.


	7. She's got the Look

The Road to Nowhere, Leads to Me

Chp.7

She's Got the Look

I could tell you what I do own, but that would take a while, so I'll tell you what I don't own. This, it belongs to the usual suspects.

Spike stands in awe, his head cocked slightly to the side, hands stuffed firmly in the deep pockets of his duster, as he observes the softness reflected at him in Buffy's green eyes. The look in the ghostly slayer's eyes rattles him on the inside, but he shows no signs of it on the outside. He'd gotten a similar expression from her on many occasions in the last year of Sunnydale. But only after she'd learned that he'd gone to Africa to get a lousy poets soul for her. He'd always thought that it was a look of pity, or empathy showing so brightly on her countenance. But now that he'd assessed the look, his eyes linger in hers, searching. Something had changed dramatically in her gaze, there's something there that hadn't been there until those last few moments, she'd given him that look only the once, and there wasn't time to analyze what he'd seen. It is only a small glint of something other than what she'd been showing him.

**The Hellmouth: Six months ago**

_Their hands burst into a blazing flame. as she clasps his firmly in her tiny one. She draws in a deep, breath. Neither of them feeling the heat of their burning hands, as his incredulous gaze looks into her own pained one. "I Love You." _It had been there in those few moments, that little glint of something else, it had only been a flash, but he could remember it like it had just happened yesterday.

That had been the first and only time that it was turned on him. Now she stands in front of him her own eyes gazing into his, that same glint in the shining pools. He doesn't have any clue as to what to make of it. But god he can only hope that he isn't reading her wrong. The last time she'd said she loved him, and if his heart could jump it would.

"Spike?" He hears her melodic voice break into his thoughts. He steps back in surprise, and straight through the wall behind him. The people in the conference room glance over at him, then back down to the papers in front of them, as if this were an everyday occurence.

"Oh, bloody hell," he retorts, as a hand comes through the wall, and grabs his duster to pull him back into the other room.

Buffy stands in front of him, her little hand placed firmly on his chest, as she smiles a bright smile up at him. It's the first time in a long time that he'd seen that kind of smile on her face, and it takes the breath he doesn't have away from him. His hand comes up to firmly lay against her cheek.

"That was pretty neat," she says, as she places her free hand on the one on her cheek.

He shakes his head in wonderment, as she stands there with the most open look that he's ever seen. He can read everything in her eyes. His only reaction is a smile of his own.

"Maybe, this being a phantom thingy, isn't going to be so bad after all." She pats his chest, the smile never leaving her eyes. "But." She turns from him to the only other person that may be able to give her some answers.

Wesley looks startled as Buffy turns her gaze on him. Spike can just see the look in her eye. The glint of steel that he knows so well, the one that demands answers and soon. He ought to know it'd been directed at him so many times that he had it memorized, just like the one that she'd only given twice in his unlife. Ghostly life couldn't get any better. Well it could, but that could wait 'til later. Right now there's more pressing issues.

"I'd like to know why I'm here in this form." Spike can see by the look on Wes' face that Buffy's eyes are saying more than what her words meant. She wasn't asking him, she was demanding the request from him.

Slayer General Buffy is back in command, and again he is her second. He knows this because the steely glance is turned on him, now. Oh yeah, this could be completely fun. He smiles ruefully, he can't wait to see what she'd do next. Even as a ghostly entity she's going to be a formidable opponent, he can tell this just by the way she'd started bossing Angel's crew around, already.

Poor Percy looked as if he were about to piss his pants, Angel looked as if he were going to sit and brood the rest of the day, Gunn seemed to be looking admiringly at Buffy. Spike gives pause, a look of dismay on his face as he studies the black mans expression.

Gunn looks up from Buffy to see his feral gaze on him, and turns away. Spike smirks in satisfaction, taking in the rest of the crew. Fred looks at him gauging his reactions, and smiles sweetly. She seems happy for him, and he gives her patented sly smirk in thanks. Fred blushes and turns away from him. Lorne seems to be intent on Buffy, not in the **_I'd like to shag her way_**. But in an analytical kind of way. Spike places a hand on his slayers shoulder, and the green guy draws in a surprised gasp of breath. A scarred eyebrow raises at the reaction, he'd have to ask Lorne about that later. _Wonder what he saw?_ Flits through his mind, but is completely forgotten when Buffy's eyes turn back into his, and that same glint is still there, making his heart want to jump start, again. He sighs. Yeah ghostly unlife, couldn't get much better than that look.

"I love you."

Okay, it could.

He could swear that he felt the long dead muscle in his chest had skipped a beat, but it hadn't. Ghostly unlife had just gotten a whole lot better. He pushes an errant piece of hair from her forehead, and breathes in a deep breath smiling like the cheshire cat, and places a gentle kiss on her cheek. "Yeah, I know, Luv."

She smiles her most brilliant smile, and raises up on her tiptoes, placing a gentle kiss over his ghostly lips.

"That's good to hear. Since the last..." She trails off in a whisper.

"Wanted to believe you then too, but..."

She just smiles, and grabs his hand in hers. "Yeah, I had a lot of time to lay in bed at night, and think about that. No harm, no foul."

Their attention is drawn away from each other, by the sound of Wes clearing his throat. Turning to the man, they give him identical, evil glares.

Spike had wanted to explain, and understand her strange answer. "Spit it out, Percy. We haven't got all day."

Wes gives an evil glare of his own. "I was just going to suggest that maybe we should start researching." His eyebrows rise in a questioning manner.

Spike gives a nod of acceptance. "You go do that." He looks down on the blonde head of the girl standing in front of him. "We're going to talk." He tugs Buffy around after grabbing her by the wrist, dragging her back through the wall behind him, and leaving the others in the room to do whatever they are supposed to be doing.

(I'd like to thank Placid Turmoil for betaing this for me. If it weren't for her, you probably wouldn't be reading this. Thanks girl, you rock. Also, thank you to everyone whose reviewed so far, it keeps me writing this. Although, I'm also trying to write two other fics along with this. I'll try and have another chapter up sometime next week.)


	8. Looking for the Answers

The Road to Nowhere Leads to Me

Chp.8

Looking for the Answers

I wish that I owned it, but alas I don't and never will, but I just wonder if they'd be willing to let me borrow Spike.

Wesley sits in the dimly lit office, his head down as he pours over demon dictionaries, mystical anthologies, and codex's. His hair is a tangled mass on his head as he has run his fingers through it multiple times. He'd taken Buffy's request to heart, and left as soon as she'd asked, or actually told him to figure it out. He'd been anxious for something other than the projects that the evil law firm had been giving him, and he is intrigued by Buffy's appearance as a ghostly apparition.

He'd been researching the dilemma for what seemed like days, and it probably had been. He knows that he looks a mess, and that his eyes are bloodshot from trying to read the script in the books beside of him, and the one that is lying in front of him.

Buffy and Spike had come in earlier to recount the experience they'd had in the Hellmouth before it had collapsed. He'd known that it would be hard on them, but hadn't expected that both the slayer, and vampire would break down in tears at the telling. He'd thought that Spike would try and be the big macho man. But at the first sign of tears from Buffy, he'd broken into sobs also.

The amulet that Spike had worn lies on the desk taunting him as he glances from the tiny script of the book that lay sprawled out on the desk. He'd found it's name and a picture of it, in an obscure text, not too long ago, but that's all that the book had to offer him. "The Gem of Genesis." He mumbles quietly, as he picks it up for to inspect it for the thousandth time. Another book had offered a description, and a date that it had been forged or the approximate date. Somewhere between 17 B.C. and 20 B.C. , and he'd been through almost every book that was available to him, this is all the information he'd gleaned from them all.

It was time to turn to his last resort. The books that held every book, or manuscript ever written. His gaze falls on the spines of the six books. He grabs the one in the middle, and runs his fingers over the soft, and worn leather. "The Gem of Genesis." He breathes over the spine. He flips it open to reveal that there is definitely more on the gem than what he'd already found, and he lets out a long held breath. There are pages and pages on the gem. And within those pages he started to figure out that there is more to the gem than anyone had thought. He smiles as he reads.

Buffy and Spike would be pleased. He'd atleast gotten some idea of what had happened, but the pages tell him nothing on how to reverse the effects of a simple touch, at a crucial point. The only thing to do is to call Angel and tell him of his findings. But this was a good start in a whole to figuring out the mystery.

He grabs the cellphone lying by his elbow, and dials the extension to Angels office.

Spike had dragged her out of the office, through a conference room, filled with people, and into an empty room that she supposed was an office once upon a time.

He turns to her letting go of the death grip he'd had on the wrist, and taking her hand. He straighten his shoulders, and takes in a deep breath. "What was all that about you laying in bed, and thinking about it shit, Luv?" He turns those steel blue eyes on her and she see can see the hurt in them.

She knew that he was going to ask that. He never asked the easy questions first. "It's just that you denied me, and I had alot of time to think about it. And I finally came to the conclusion that I shouldn't have waited until the very last crucial moment to tell you. I should've told you that night." Her eyes are glassy with her tears, as she looks up into his softening ones.

He cocks his head and raises his chin in a gesture that means for her to go on.

"That night everyone voted me out. I should've told you then. Or even the night after while we were talking in the kitchen. God, I wanted to, especially after you said what you said, my heart was screaming for me to tell, but my mind wouldn't let me." She takes a deep breath, and wipes the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand. "I meant it when I said that maybe when it was all over. But then it was all over and you were gone, and I tried to live Spike, I really did" She sobs on the last few words, making her shoulders shake.

"Sweetheart." She's suddenly enveloped in his arms, and making his non-corporeal shirt all soggy with her salty tears. His hand rubs her head gently, as he cradles her against him, and she feels safe again.

He pushes her away, gazing into her teary, and bloodshot eyes. "You don't know how soddin' much I wanted to believe those words, but if I had." He ducks his head in a way that she presumed to be a shy manner. "I wouldn't have been able to go through with what had to be done. I couldn't let that happen, Pet."

"I know. It just hurt, Spike. I'd just come to the conclusion that I loved you, and like all the others." Her tears start anew. "You left me. You promised you wouldn't do that, and you did. And then came the resentment, it passed, but then there was the grieving. I'd grieved so many and then the one constant that I still had was gone. Do you know how that feels?"

"Yeah, Luv. I truly do. Had a hundred and forty-seven days of that feelin'. An' jus' like you, I came back. You should know by now that I'm not that easy to get rid of, Buffy."

She can't help but smile as she sees his genuine one cross his face. God she'd missed that. The way he could just be himself when they are together. "I missed you," she says it so softly that if it weren't for his enhanced hearing, he wouldn't have heard it.

"Missed you, too, Luv," His reply is almost as soft as her own.

She gazes into his eyes for a few moments, complete silence surrounding them. Leaning her head back she reaches around his neck with one hand and brings his mouth to hers. She'll show him just how much she'd missed him.

His eyes widen as he understands what she's about to do, then his mouth is on hers, and he sinks into her delving deep with his tongue and tasting the nectar of her mouth. He starts to drown all over again.

She could get sooo used to this. Spikes tongue is doing delicious things to hers, and she goes weak in the knees. God, she'd missed this, what had she been thinking to ever let him go. Oh yeah, that thing they had supposedly hadn't been real. _Stupid Buffy._ She chides herself.

(Thank you Placid for the great beta. And thanks to everyone who's reviewed.)


	9. Some of the Answers

The Road to Nowhere Leads to Me

Chp. 9

Some of the Answers

If I owned it. Do you think I'd be writing this?

Wes sits at the desk, leaned over the magical book, his hand running through his hair, yet again. The knock on the door, startles him from his intense reading. "Come in," he says his attention still intent on the findings of the book.

He looks up as the door starts to open. He sees that not only Angel, but also Buffy and Spike have entered. He looks the trio over, and slides his chair back from his desk.

Buffy grips Spikes hand tightly as she gazes around the room, her eyes slowly come to rest on him, and he can't help but smile. "What have you found, Wesley?" She asks as she rolls her eyes.

He ignores the rolling of her green eyes, and sits up straighter in his seat. "I've been researching the amulet." He clears his throat, and holds up the object for all to see. "The gem seems to have stemmed its power from the soul of the wearer" His gaze falls on the three standing in front of him.

Buffy has a tiny smirk on her face. "Well, yeah," she replies sarcastically. "Angel sort of mentioned that that was part of the information that he'd found when he gave the damned thing to me." She rolls her eyes again. "What was the explanation? OH! That it was to be worn by someone with a soul, but stronger than a human, and something or other about Scrubbing Bubbles, didn't really get that part, but whatever." She recants the conversation with a sarcastic tone of voice. "Please tell me something that I don't already know." Her shining orbs plead with the British man sitting aghast behind the desk.

He shuffles some papers around, trying to regain a modicum of composure back. "Well, from what research I've been able to do, it seems that Spike should have been brought back whole." He hears a slight growl, and knows that the information was bound to upset the ghostly vampire. "But it seems that you interrupted the flow of the energy from the amulet, by making physical contact with him at a crucial moment." The slayer gasps. "The amulet seems to have given you a piece of his soul, and in return he got a piece of yours, inadvertantly." His gaze falls on the two blondes, seeing the stricken looks upon their faces. "At least that's the only thing I can come to a conclusion on at the moment. I'm still doing more research, if I find anything more I will most assuredly contact you. As of this time I haven't found anything else." He watches the three people in front of him intently.

Spike nods his head in acquiescence. "Just make sure you do that, Percy."

Buffy's steely eyes glisten lightly as she takes in the information. He can see the wheels turning in her mind, as she tries to make sense of what she'd just been told. "So, I'm the reason all of this is happening?"

Wes is taken aback at the question. "No, Buffy." He can't believe that she'd come to this conclusion. "It's not your fault at all, it was destined, an unavoidable consequence to your actions. Anything could have broken the hold that the amulet had on Spikes soul. It is that you happened to be the one to do it. The information that I've come across, mind you I haven't been able to go over all of the information, but I think that it was meant to happen the way it did." His blue eyes find hers. "And from what I understand of your circumstances in the Hellmouth." His stern gaze falls on the ghostly vamp at her side. "You didn't want to leave her, and she didn't want you to go. I've come upon the hypothesis that with your souls being combined the two of you gravitate toward each other. Spike?"

The vampires blue eyes look up from his study of the flooring. "Yeah, Headboy." Wesley rolls his eyes at the nickname.

"You wanted to go to Buffy, when you came back?"

"That's bloody right, what's that got to do with anythin'?"

"Were you being pulled to her by any chance?"

"Wasn't rightfully payin' any attention to that, just knew I wanted to be with her. Make sure she was as truly okay, as Angelus over there made it out to be. Everytime I tried to go to her though, I'd get to the city limits and end up being yanked back to this bleedin' hellhole."

"That's because the amulet had been cursed by the Senior Partners. If it was to be brought back to them. Which inevitably it was. The amulet would be activated at a certain time. Angel just happened to activate before the appropriate time, is all."

"Wait a sec!" Buffy's hand clamps down hard on the hand in hers. "This is the unreliable source that you got that thing from?" Her gaze turns to steel as she turns to the souled vampire sitting beside of her. "Angel, how could you? You knew something would happen, I mean source where the amulet came from, EVIL LAW FIRM!" She rants and rages, her grip getting tighter on Spikes at every other word.

"Uh, Slayer," he grounds out between clenched teeth. "I'd like for my hand not to be hamburger." Her grasp loosens at his prompting.

"Oh, oh my god! I'm sooo sorry." She rubs the poor hand with her fingers, and raises it up to her lips for a healing kiss. "All better?"

"Not really, but it'll do." He smirks, making the remark less scathing.

Angel sits in the chair watching the exchange, envy exuding from his body. Wesley watches the three in interest, gauging their reactions. Angel seems to just wanna rip Spikes head off, Spike and Buffy gazing at each other. The emotions that play on their faces, do not bode well for the non-ghosty souled vampire's hopes of gaining Shanshu and running off to be with the original slayer. He sighs, taking his appraising attention from the scene in front of him, and shuffles more papers around in front of him.

"If you all would be so kindly as to excuse me, I'd like to find out more information on your situation."

"Right, Percy." Spike nods his head in acceptance as he drawls out the words. "We'll be goin', but as soon, and I mean as soon as you find any bloody thing else..." The rest of the sentence is cut off as Wesley starts to speak.

"Yes, yes, Spike, I will make it a point to contact you immediately."

He hears Angel get out of his seat, without say a word the whole time. His broodiness more broody as he walks to the door. The door clicks shut as the ensouled vampire follows the couple out of it. Wesley sighs, picking the book back up to start his research again. He hopes to find something, anything else. He hopes to find a way to make the two corporeal again. Atleast that's what he thinks they would want. He'd told them everything that he could about why they are the way they are, but he could see the hope in their eyes when they'd come to talk to him about the Hellmouth happenings. They wanted to be whole again, and he needed to find the answer. He's just very thankful that Buffy hadn't died before the Pavayne incident. She didn't deserve to be drug into the hell that was, even though Spike had been able to defeat him in the end, it could've proven too traumatic for her, after coming here in the state that she had shown up. He's sure Spike is greatful also, for that little mercy.

(Thank you yet, again Placid for the great beta, and to the people who reviewed last time. Hope you guys liked the explanation. Review me and tell me what you thought, and you may get another chapter by Wednesday.)


	10. Jealously Doesn't Become Him

The Road to Nowhere Leads to Me

Chp.10

Jealousy Doesn't Become Him

I don't own anything, I wish that I did, but I don't.

The trio walks casually down the glass-lined hallway. Angel is a few steps behind the two blondes, and he scowls at the sight of their tightly clasped hands. He still can't believe that Buffy had chosen the Bleached Moron. She must be completely confused, or just grabbing onto what she can, being in her state. Spike is the only one she can touch and vice versa. That must be it. He just can't seem to wrap his mind around the idea that she'd said right in front of him, that she loves the ghostly vamp.

He watches as the two glance over at each other, easy smiles coming to their faces as they do. He'd seen that little light that she used to get in her eyes when they were together. Angel thought that the light would always be in those bright green orbs, for him. So much for the whole cookie dough analogy. His growl echoes down the corridor, as he takes his eyes away from the public display of affection between the two.

"What's wrong with you, Angelus?" Spike's annoyed voice drifts back over his shoulder to Angel's ears. The sound breaks the tension-laden silence, as he turns blue eyes on him.

The dark vampire glances down at the clasped hands for an instant. Looking back up he gives Spike a very cold glare.

The other vampires smug smirk tells him that he'd noticed the minute flicker of his eyes down at the hands. "OOH!" Spike drops Buffy's hand, and starts a cocky swagger as he walks in his grandesire's direction. He stops short of Angel, and purses his lips ruefully. "Seems someone's jealous, Sweetheart." He sing songs it, as he gives the vamp in front of him the once over. His eyebrow comes up in an arch as he plants his gaze back into the brown eyes of Angel.

Angel glances over Spike's shoulder at the slayer. She has her hands planted on her hips, and stares at the floor. He turns from the menace in front of him with a loud growl.

Spike walks straight through him, getting mad at the casual dismissal, and turns back to face the incredibly brassed off vampire.

He can't believe his gall, he was dumber than even Angel could comprehend.

"Jealous of me, Peaches?" He smirks in satisfaction. "How sweet, I didn't know you cared that much."

Angel grabs for the cocky smart ass's throat, forgetting that he's not able to throttle him properly in his actions. He watches as the hand glides right through the bleached nuisances body. Getting even angrier, he grunts his disappointment, and walks right back through Spike.

He can feel just how pissed Spike is, and really could care less as he keeps walking away. He really needs to go and kill something, since he can't kill the one thing he really wants to. He can feel the two behind him watching as his steps quicken. He knows that Spike being Spike wouldn't let this go.

"Yeah, the slayer chose me, and the bloody poof can't stand the thought of it." His voice is loud and echoes down the floor, as Angel continues his trek back to his office. Spike is trying to get his attention, he knows it, but he will not give him the satisfaction. "What about the Dog Girl, Angel? Did you happen to forget that you already have a girl?" Angel was trying really hard not to turn around and start a fight with him, but he was making it damned difficult. "Oh, you just wanted the cake and to be able to eat it too, I see. Wonder what Nina would think about that. Just forgot all about the poor girl, didn't you? The moment that your so-called true love showed her ghostly face in your office."

Angel's shoulders visibly sag. Spike was right, not that he'd admit that Spike would ever be right, but he is. He had forgotten all about Nina. Not when Buffy had shown up, but when Dawn had called. He hadn't spoken to or seen her in over three days. "No, William. I didn't" He lies in a snarl, his face morphing into that of the demon.

"Struck the nail on the head, did I?" He turns at that, his demon raging at the annoying menace.

His face slowly morphs back to the human guise, as he watches Buffy walk back up the hall, and to Spike's side and place a tiny hand on his shoulder, he rolls his eyes at the gesture.

"Spike." The bravado fades from Spike's body at the sound of her voice saying his name. He turns to her, his expression melting into a genuine smile as he gazes into her eyes. Angel feels the need to heave when Buffy returns her own smile. Actually if vampires could he'd have probably already spewed out lunch, and breakfast at the first bunch of complete mush the two had already shown to each other.

God if they got anymore intimate, they'd be having a good bout of sex right there in front of him. He couldn't believe that he'd just thought those thoughts, because the images coming to his mind turns his stomach. The sexual tension between the two oozes from their pores. It's like watching one of those old Taster's Choice commercials. The ones where the guy looked a little like Giles, and the lady. Those had always made him want to kill the actors. He growls, again, breaking the easy connection that Spike and Buffy had been sharing.

"Can you please leave Angel alone?" His head comes up as he hears Buffy's plea. "I know this has to be hard for him, don't make it any harder by rubbing it in." What she didn't understand is that her being all over Spike at all moments was rubbing it in more than Spike's words had.

Spike gives her a nod in ascent, as he watches them. The idiot would do anything his lady asked of him, it just so happens that Buffy is his girl. But Buffy had seemed to make the impossible, possible. Angel looks on her in astonishment. She'd gotten Spike to agree to quit taunting him about something. There really must be an apocalypse brewing, because Spike being civil to him was definitely world ending material.

"You know I'd do anything for you, Luv." But he'd seen the evil glint in the other vamps eye as he turned to head back to his office. Seems the world isn't ending, just on hold for awhile.

(A/N: Well here's another chapter. I hope I get more reviews for it than I did for the last one. Would like to thank Placid for the great betas. You make it better to read for the readers, and help when it's needed. I appreciate it.)


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